I Can Breathe Again
by sunshinearmin
Summary: for aot week on tumblr


/ In honor of AOT week on tumblr, I have written this for day 3: Moments, a scene that made you cry. But I am lazy and late so I'm posting this 3 days later./

The crushing feeling of losing Armin was too much to bare. He was losing more of his family, and it was his fault again. He couldn't save Mom, or Dad, or Hannes, or Marco, or Mina, or Thomas, or Petra, or Ouro, or Eld, or Gunther, or any of the others, and now Armin. He couldn't save Armin because he was too slow.

He couldn't stand up, couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't do anything. All he could do was cling to Mikasa and cry. Why did everyone who got close to him end up dead? How long would it be before he had to watch Mikasa die? What would happen to him when he did? Would he lose himself completely? He already felt himself losing something. His innocence? His childhood? His hope? What did Armin mean to him?

Everything. Armin meant everything to him. His oldest friend. His first friend. His dreams of the future. How could he go to the ocean without Armin? How could he keep going at all without Armin?

Suddenly, there was a collective gasp from the group. "No way." Connie whispered.

"What the fuck?" Jean uttered.

Eren looked up and saw what they were all looking at. "No." He said softly.

There was a titan in front of them, and with that mop of blond hair, it could only be Armin. Captain Levi had done it. He had given the serum to Armin. But why? Eren looked around for the man, but couldn't see him.

That was when Bertolt started screaming. They made eye contact, and despite the tears still rolling down his face, Eren felt nothing as Armin bit his head off. No guilt, no sadness, no remorse. Just a sweet taste of justice. For Bertolt was the one who turned their lives into a living hell. It was Bertolt who had broken the gate that Eren could see from here. It was Bertolt who set them on the path to becoming orphans and losing everything. It was Bertolt who almost put Armin in the grave, if not for the intervention of Levi. So, this was justice, plain and simple.

Of course, Armin wouldn't see it that way, but they could deal with that later. There was a lightness in Eren's heart. They COULD deal with it, because Armin was alive. "Let's go." Mikasa said, standing up. With tears in their eyes, the four of them leapt into action, Eren in the lead. Armin's titan fell on it's face, and as Eren ran up, out of it's nape rose Armin. Was this how Armin and Mikasa felt that day in Trost? This cascading set of emotions rolling over him? Relief. Joy. Confusion. Love.

It had to be, because Eren remembered Armin telling him that Mikasa had cried that day, and she was crying now. He grabbed Armin by the arms, cradling the blond against him. Mikasa wrapped her arms around Armin, pressing her ear to his bare chest, listening to his heartbeat. Connie just kept patting Armin, tears streaming down his face. The only one not crying was Jean, and he was sitting down by Armin's feet, staring at his face in disbelief.

Eren realized how loved Armin was in that moment, not only by himself and Mikasa, but by Connie and Jean sitting here. By Sasha, unconscious on that roof. By Historia, so far away, and even by Hange and Levi. He had to be. Why else would Levi save him?

"Get up on the wall!" Hange called from behind them.

"I'll get Sasha." Connie said, standing up. "Help me, Jean?" he asked, clapping Jean on the shoulder.

"Huh? Oh." Jean shook his head. He seemed out of it.

"You good, man?" Connie asked as Jean stood up.

"Yeah. Yeah." Jean ran a hand over his face before using his gear to jump on the roof. Connie followed him.

Mikasa started to pick up Armin. "Wait." Eren said, quickly stripping off his jacket. Armin's shirt and jacket and cloak had all been burned away, either by Bertolt or in the transformation. "Help me put it on him." Together, they quickly put the jacket on Armin. "Put him on my back."

With Eren carrying Armin's limp body piggy back style, and Mikasa behind to make sure he didn't fall, they climbed the wall. Upon reaching the top, Eren saw Hange and Floch had Sasha laid out on a mat, and another one set out beside her. "Put him down here." Hange said.

Mikasa gently pulled Armin off of Eren's back and laid him down next to Sasha, covering him with a blanket. He watched her smooth some of Armin's hair back from his face before she looked up at Eren. "He's not going to understand." She said quietly. "He's going to be upset."

"We can deal with that." He said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "We can deal with anything, because he's alive." The weight of those words hadn't sunk in yet. Armin was ALIVE. There were endless possibilities because Armin was alive and could make choices.

"We're going down to look for survivors." Hange said. Eren saw she was wearing Commander Erwin's bolo tie. She was the commander now. Commander of nine. "We'll split into two groups. Levi, Connie, and Jean will take that side of the wall. Floch, Mikasa, and I will take this side of the wall. Eren, you stay up here. Watch over Sasha and Armin. Keep watch for titans. If any of you find a survivor, fire a green flare. If you see a titan, send up a black flare. If Armin wakes up, send up a red flare. We'll reconvene here when that happens and decide what to do next. Understood?"

They all nodded their affirmations. Mikasa didn't look happy to be leaving Armin, but she also had to know she'd already pushed her luck enough today. It was smart of Hange to keep Mikasa with her. She and Levi had nearly killed each other earlier, and it was not a match in which anyone wanted a round two. The six of them left and it became really quiet up on the wall. Nothing but the wind and the labored breathing of Sasha.

Eren's mind began to wander. How had Floch of all people been the only one to survive on his side of the wall? He wasn't counting Levi, because nothing about that man surprised him anymore. The whole world could explode, and Eren would expect Levi to survive. Floch didn't even seem to like the Survey Corps that much. He certainly didn't like them now. But there were more important questions to ponder.

Why had Levi saved Armin? Of course, Eren and Mikasa had known Armin was an asset to humanity, but Levi hadn't thought so. Hange hadn't. Floch hadn't either, but he could fall off the wall for all Eren cared. The veterans had argued for Commander Erwin, and when they left the room, Levi had said he was saving Erwin. But he hadn't. Eren glanced over at Armin. He was going to want to know why. How could he explain the decision when he didn't understand himself?

Eren began to pace, farther and farther away from the sleeping two. They were going to be in trouble. They'd physically fought Captain Levi. Mikasa had held a blade to his throat. That kind of action couldn't go unpunished. If anyone else had done it, he would at least expect them to be locked up. It was a total breakdown of military command at a time when that command was most needed. What if she had killed him? It wasn't out of the realm of possibility. Mikasa would go to any length to protect those she loved.

Armin wouldn't understand. Wouldn't think he was worth it. If Eren was right, Armin wasn't going to think he was worth the sacrifice of Erwin's life, let alone if they had hurt Levi. They'd have to go on the run. They wouldn't be able to take Armin with them. So, he would have to stay behind, alone and confused, with powers he didn't want, and the stigma of what his friends had done hanging around his neck like a noose.

No, they needed to be punished, because if he was being honest, he would do it again. That couldn't be allowed. Especially, because Armin needed them with him. When they got back from this expedition, there were going to be many like Floch. People who thought Armin should be dead. Who wished it. Armin would take it hard. Even agree with them. He had a soft heart, and Eren and Mikasa needed to be there for him. To protect him.

Of course, Connie and Jean would do that too, but Eren didn't know what their opinions truly were. They hadn't spoken up in defense of Armin on that rooftop. They were willing to let Armin die, because they were good soldiers. All of this was more reason why he and Mikasa should be punished. They SHOULD have behaved like Jean and Connie. But as he thought about it, he realized that while the other two had not argued for Armin, they also hadn't argued AGAINST him either. What could that mean? They had trained with Armin for years. Lived with him, worked with him. Loved him.

Suddenly, he heard Armin's voice from far behind him. "Bertolt?"

He turned and Armin was sitting up, looking confused. Sasha was talking. "It hurts…Ugh…hurts so much…"

Armin's face looked concerned as he turned and leaned over Sasha, pulling back her blanket. Eren was running now, his eyes wide, his feet moving of their own accord. "What a terrible wound! What happened?" Armin looked up and made eye contact with Eren. "Eren…what is-"

Eren dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around his best friend, hugging him tightly. He was just so overcome with emotion that he couldn't seem to process. Too many emotions flinging by so fast he couldn't grab onto any of them. Armin was confused, but slowly hugged his back. He'd come back. He'd been so violently ripped away like all the others, but he came back. He didn't leave Eren. He didn't- "You came back." He was never letting him go again, no matter what. Finally, his heart was calm, and he felt like he could breathe again.


End file.
